Parents Are People Too: Life Lesson Part 1

Ever look back and wonder how you got here so quickly? At 67, I've been reflecting on the swift passage of time and the insights that come with it. In this episode of "Bill Monty's Guide for Getting Older," I share a personal revelation that's resonated deeply with me: understanding our parents as real people.

Remember those youthful days when you felt invincible, and you believed that your parents were too? Age brings a shift in perspective, a more cautious mindset, and a deeper appreciation for the intricacies of life.

Join me as I explore the lesson of seeing our parents in a new light—beyond the roles we assigned them as kids. They, too, had dreams, fears, and flaws, and recognizing this can transform our relationships with them. I open up about my personal journey and invite you to reflect on yours. Let's connect—whether it's through email or text—and share our stories as we navigate the complex, rewarding journey of aging together.

This episode is dedicated to Howard Lurie. R.I.P., Howie, You did good.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to Bill Monty's Guide for Getting Older. I'm your host, bill Monty, welcome back. Things have gotten a little bit busy in the podcasting world here and I apologize for the time between episodes, but one of the things I've looked at with this podcast and kind of tweaking things, was the episodes that I received the most comments on, the ones that personally I like the best and ones that have been talking about experiences of growing older. To that end, I started thinking about well, what are the lessons that I know now as an older person? When you're younger, you think you'll live forever. I don't believe that. That's actually what was in the forefront of my mind, but I know that when I do things now, the realization that I could get injured or possibly die seems to come right up front with should I do this?

Speaker 1: 0:55

I was telling someone the other day that when I was younger I used to scuba dive and of course they looked at me at my age and not being in the best physical condition and went really and I said, oh yeah, you know, back then I didn't worry about things like you know, being eaten by a shark or attacked by a jellyfish or barracuda, or drowning or anything else like that I just wanted the adventure of scuba diving, and so that's what I did. Now, of course, I don't do that anymore, and I know I could. I know there are people much older than I that still do that, but it's not something now that I think I could do anymore, because mentally, I'm in a different place, because life has taught me lessons, and they're lessons that have actually really become more apparent in the past year of my life. So you know, I'm 67 years old. I turned 67 a few months ago. So, yes, you're not talking to someone who's 80. Not yet, but it feels like 80 will be here in a couple of weeks, because I'm not sure how I got to 67 as fast as I did and I started thinking about well, what are some of the lessons that aging has taught me?

Speaker 1: 2:11

For the next several episodes, we're going to be looking at some of these lessons and I'll just give you my perspective on them, and then I encourage you to share with me your thoughts on these lessons or if these are relevant to you. You can do that by writing me at BillMonte04 at gmailcom, or if you scroll down in the show notes, you'll find a place that says text me a message and you can just do that on your computer you don't have to do it on your phone or anything like that and it sends me a message that then I can post up on the website or I can read and I can comment on later. What is the first of these lessons I want to talk about today? The first of these lessons is your parents are people too. That one seems obvious to me now, but when I look back at my attitude towards my parents when I was younger and I'm not talking even just about being a kid or a teenager, I'm talking about as a young adult I think that I was of the belief that they should have all the answers. When my daughter was born, my wife and I joked well, where's the manual that teaches us what to do now, about how to be parents? I don't know why. I assumed that my parents actually had that manual, so they made mistakes. Both of my parents were very good people, but, like all of us, they were also flawed people. I'll be honest with you and I don't say this with any amount of pride I was not very understanding of that as a younger person, because when you're younger, especially when you're a kid, we just see our parents as our parents. It's only later that we eventually realize that they have their own hopes and their own fears and their own dreams. We only learn to see them as complex individuals with their own life stories later in life, and this shift in perspective often leads to really a more mature relationship with our parents.

Speaker 1: 4:10

My father passed away when he was 60. So I didn't have time, as I was coming to that understanding, to have that type of relationship. My father and I did not have a strained relationship when I was younger, but he was not a hugger, I'm going to put it that way. He was a caring individual. He loved his family very much. He loved his a hugger, I'm going to put it that way. He was a caring individual. He loved his family very much. He loved his sons very much, but my father had a wall, and I think that's something that we all need to realize. So if you're someone who is in 20s and 30s now, or maybe 40s and 50s, and you don't realize it yet, no-transcript.

Speaker 1: 4:49

The times that we grew up in. My father was born in the early 1930s, so he was a product of that time, of the world being at war, of there being rations on things that you can do and on men being expected to behave a certain way and to accomplish and do certain things. I was pretty critical of that as I became a young man in the 70s and I never really gave him the benefit of the doubt that that's just what his generation was like. He wasn't wrong. He was wrong to me at the time, but he wasn't wrong because that's all he knew. Now I came of age in the 70s and the 80s. My daughter was born in the early 90s, but I find now that I'm 67, I am really a product of the times. I'm having a hard time adjusting to the attitudes of the 2000s and especially of the 2020s.

Speaker 1: 5:56

Things that I used to be able to say as a joke are now considered inappropriate attitudes or behaviors towards someone of a different sex or race. Even if you're very, very close with them, you can't say what I used to say and do back in the 70s, which at the time, was very accepted. No one got offended. It was funny, it was a joke, it led to perhaps a date or amorous proceedings, so to speak. Whatever it might be Long friendships. We laughed about things back then, and this generation and this time, for better or for worse, no longer laughs at those things.

Speaker 1: 6:37

People are very sensitive now. I find myself falling into the same trap if someone makes a joke about older people, or even older white guys, which I am. So we are a product of our times, so let's try and be a little more understanding and a little more forgiving of those who might seem different than us. We are so divided now as a country and as a society and as a culture, and a little understanding could go a very long way into making things better. That's one of the things that I've learned in getting older.

Speaker 1: 7:13

I'm not a perfect person and the people around me are not perfect people. My expectations of them are lower and I try not to be as judgmental and I hope they're not as judgmental of me and my words and my actions and my deeds. I can no longer do some of the things I used to be able to do. Names come a little bit slower, but let's remember of your parents. They too are people. They too had hopes and fears and dreams, and one of the things that's harder to get to wrap your head around as you get older is that maybe some of those dreams are never going to come true.

Speaker 1: 7:59

Now Go back and listen to one of my last episodes, called One Day, to understand that better and be a little supportive. If they're your parents, you should love them and you should help them, and you should realize that one day the hand that used to hold yours will no longer be there, and that day is probably closer than it is farther away. Take the time to appreciate and love your parents. That's lesson number one of Aging with Bill Monte. My friends, please do me a favor. If you enjoyed this episode, please hit that like button, make a comment, share it with your friends and your families, and please subscribe. That's free and you'll be notified of when upcoming episodes are being released. Until next time, my friends, we'll move on to our aging tip number two. This is Bill Monti, with Bill Monti's Guide for Getting Older. As always, please be safe and be kind. What to do without a friendly shoulder? You're not alone, so start feeling bolder. Welcome to Bill Monty's Guide for Getting Older.