The Subtle Art of Growing Older and the Quest for Mindful Bliss

Imagine hitting rewind on the Tony Awards, reveling in the unscripted magic that unfolds when the writers are away. That's just the prologue to our heartfelt salute to the iconic John Romita Sr., whose pencil strokes on Spider-Man comics left an indelible ink on my childhood. Venturing further, we tackle the quirky societal waltz of 'acting your age,' and I can't help but wonder, who exactly choreographed these steps? We wrap this segment with a tale from a sweet 16 that's more than just cake and candles—it's a snapshot of the milestones that frame our ever-ticking timeline.

Enter the world of Dan Harris, where wit meets wisdom and a touch of humor unveils a path to mental wellness. His candid confession of a career-crumbling panic episode and the subsequent journey into meditation opens up a refreshing narrative on self-improvement. It's not about becoming a Zen master overnight, but discovering the joy in inching towards being just 10% happier. Join me as I share the simple, yet life-altering meditation techniques that Dan advocates, promising a dash of serenity in the daily hustle. Tune in for an episode that's part memoir, part guidebook, and entirely geared toward embracing the beauty of our collective evolution.

Chapters

• 0:00 Exploring Aging Gracefully and Embracing Life
• 13:31 10% Happier

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Information presented in the following program is for entertainment purposes only and should not be taken as a statement of fact. Welcome to Bill Monty's Guide for Getting Older, the podcast that explores the art of aging gracefully and unlocking the secrets to a fulfilling life as we journey through the golden years. Join us each episode as we delve into captivating stories, personal insights and practical tips to embrace the aging process with grace, resilience and a dash of humor. Whether you're navigating retirement, seeking health and wellness advice or simply curious about the beauty of growing older, this is your guide to embracing every chapter of life with wisdom and vitality. And now here's your host, bill Monty.

Speaker 1: 0:49

So what's happened since the last time we met? Well, the Tony Awards happened In the Monty household. We are a Broadway family, we like musicals and plays and we look forward to the Tonys. They appeared for a time as if the Tony Awards would not happen this year because of the strike against the Writers Guild of America, but a deal was struck and the Tony Awards did go on Sunday night and I have to say just my thoughts on it. I thought it was wonderful, one of the best awards show I've seen in a long time. Tony, emmy. Whatever Grammys, oscars. I hope they didn't kind of shoot themselves in the foot, the writers, by saying, okay, you can go ahead and do the show, but no one can write for it, because not having those jokes that the actors and directors seem like they've never seen before or the bits, help the show just to move along. Great. And those people who are good at ad-libbing and coming up and being humorous on their own, they were able to shine. And the people that weren't, they just came out and they did their job, introduced themselves who they are, introduced the category, the nominees, give out the award and move on. I thought it was great. My recommendation would be all shows, let's just give the writers a break that weekend.

Speaker 1: 2:01

Okay, what else happened? We lost a couple of notable people and it's the last time we talked. One of them kind of fits into the I'm growing older, just not up title for our show this week. You might not have heard of them. The name was John Ramita Sr and we lost him just yesterday. He was 93 years old and while you might not know the name, john Ramita Sr was an artist on the Amazing Spider man comic book and if you saw the first movies first two movies with Tobey Maguire.

Speaker 1: 2:37

The visual style was heavily influenced by the designs of John Ramita way back in the 60s when he took over the book and when I was a kid reading Spider man, the original artist, steve Ditko he stayed. I think he left after issue 38. And I didn't care much for his style. I grew to like it a lot more as I got older, but when Ramita took over it was a brand new style. He tried for a few issues to copy Ditko and then he just said I'm just going to do my own thing and really put his imprint on the Spider man title, one that was really set the tone of it visually for decades. And John Ramita became the art director for Marvel in the 70s and was instrumental in creating characters or the looks of characters, like Wolverine the Punisher. And probably his most significant contribution to the Spider man mythos anyway was the creation of Mary Jane Watson, who in the books and the movies Peter Parker Marys. She had always been shown in shadow before in the comic books and in his first foray as the Spider man artist, on the very last page, we got our first look at the gorgeous Mary Jane Watson and Spider man.

Speaker 1: 3:47

History was never the same. So I was sad and like as we get older, you know those people that we looked at and admired or we enjoyed their acting or their music, whatever it might be. As they passed we feel a little bit more of our past and our childhood slip away, and when I heard about John Ramita's passing a little chunk of that went away. So I had a few minutes of feeling sorry for myself but just remembering the great times. So thank you, john Ramita. We really brought happy times and a smile to a young Bill Montee's face back in the 60s and the 70s. And you know, it kind of leads us to talk about this week growing older.

Speaker 1: 4:24

Just nod up. I can recall several times in my life people saying to me Bill, act your age. My parents, definitely Some employers, probably wish I had my wife. While she's nice enough not to say it Probably thought it a lot. Probably in times when I'm talking about Spider man way too much. I would not have found act your age to be an odd bit of instruction, since I'd never been that age before. So how could I possibly know how to act it?

Speaker 1: 4:52

It's not like each day begins, you know, and someone hands you a piece of paper with today's instructions on how to be 23 years and 42 days old. You know, you don't go through that day and then come across the situation that baffles you and say, well, what should I do in this situation? Oh, let's consult this piece of paper, shall we? Ah, I see, just agree and move on. Seems like good advice. That would be nice, wouldn't it? We could just map our days out by something like that.

Speaker 1: 5:20

But alas, I have not been able to find a manual to life yet. I've been looking for 60-plus years. Maybe that's why someone once said you're only young once, but you can be immature forever, which would be a great way to explain my approach to life, although, if truth be told, my approach is probably more of an unconscious choice versus a conscious one. I never woke up saying that I would just be immature today. I just happen to be immature sometimes. What else has happened Since the last time we spoke went to a birthday party.

Speaker 1: 5:50

I know it doesn't sound too exciting, but this was the birthday party for a young lady. She turned 16 years old. I've known her since she was born and I knew her mother when she was 16 and even younger than that, and nothing helps you realize how the world moves along. As much as seeing the daughter of someone where you remember their childhood as they escort their child to the teen years, and as I watched the birthday girl and her friends dance and sing and celebrate, it was reminded of all the birthdays I've had and birthdays of family and friends and acquaintances and struck with the idea and the thought Kind of funny, when you get older and this was a big party, let me tell you when you get older you just kind of hope no one notices much. Ok, a cake and a present or two, maybe you've got dinner. And let's call it a day, shall we?

Speaker 1: 6:35

Because every year that you move up the aging ladder one more rung, you do feel that you're leaving another part of your past and your youth behind you. You're growing older, maybe not up, but you're certainly growing older. And not to say when I say not growing up Don't mean to say that I don't take life and its rewards and challenges seriously, because I do, and there are some who might say that at points in my life I take them way too seriously. But with each passing birthday I think I've learned or at least I hope I have learned not to sweat the small stuff as much. The things that used to make me nuts just don't seem as important anymore, and that's one of the things that getting older teaches you.

Speaker 1: 7:17

In life, unfortunately, things just don't always go smoothly. There's going to be rough patches, there's going to be speed bumps on that road that you travel. You're going to experience hardship that life sometimes brings. You're going to have your wins, you're going to have your losses. You're going to move forward great and you're going to have some setbacks. You're going to have some betrayals. You're going to achieve some dreams and you're going to fail at others. But you come out on the other side of them whole and stronger. And that is what, as you get older, provides that important new perspective about what is important in life.

Speaker 1: 7:49

Some of us said youth is wasted on the young. It isn't really because you have to have. You have to be young to learn these things when you get older. Yes, if I had the opportunity to go back and be, say, 20 or 25 again, when I do it, only if I could take with me the knowledge of what I have, of what I've learned, because there's no guarantees and even if I did do that, there's no guarantee that life would turn out great or anything.

Speaker 1: 8:16

Because aging is like planning a vacation. Right, when you think about a vacation, you have to decide where you're going to go and you base your destination on your interests you like the outdoors, or you like the beach, or nightlife, or amusement parks. All this affects your planning. So you put all of that into it. You select your flight, you pick a hotel, you decide where restaurants you're going to eat at, where you'll go, and you think everything's going to be great. You can't wait for that vacation day. And then the first day you get ready to leave and the flight is late. You lose that first day. Then you get to the hotel and that's quite up, just enough. Not what you thought it was going to be, not what you'd hoped, you know. Then it rains. Okay, what are you going to do? Just throw your hands up, lay in bed and pull the covers up over your head. No, hopefully you plow on and you just have the best time possible.

Speaker 1: 9:02

And aging is sort of like planning that vacation. Planning your aging is sort of the same way. You know, you work hard, you invest and so on, but you know, comes time when you're older, you're thinking about retirement, or you have retired and then a pandemic hits. You know. Your health, or the health of someone that you love, takes a turn for the worse. The stock market goes all walkie, like it has been now for a couple of years. Your investments take a hit. Everything that you plan so carefully now isn't working out just like that vacation.

Speaker 1: 9:32

What getting older teaches us is to act as you would. You know when that perfect plan vacation goes south. You pick yourself up, you dust yourself off, you start all over again. That's what you do. And then there are times, you know, when you're, no matter what age you are, no matter where you are heading up the hill to be over it at some point, you know you're going to find the frustrations in life. You know. What do you do then? Well, it all gets to you and you start losing focus. That dialogue that goes on in your head starts to get to me too much. I think I have a suggestion that can help you. It certainly has helped me. So we're going to take a real quick break. When I come back, I'll have my music suggestion for you and my book suggestion will be wound up and talking about something that I think will help you kind of regain that focus and maybe even make you I don't know 10% happier. So hang in there. We'll see you on the flip side.

Speaker 1: 10:30

["friends, we Love To Get your Feedback On the Show"]. Friends, we'd love to get your feedback on the show. Please drop us a line at billmontys04 at gmailcom and let us know what you think. Plus, we're on Facebook now, so the next time you're on it, look up Bill Monty's guide to getting older. That's where I share insights about the show, links to my music recommendations and video suggestions, favorite books and so much more. Let me know what you think. I look forward to hearing from you. ["friends, we Love To Get your Feedback On the Show"].

Speaker 1: 11:01

So we all have times when life can just be too much. Right. For those of you looking for a better way to clarify thoughts and maybe find some peace or just a way to control those never ending conversations in your head, may I suggest to you meditation Now stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Don't switch me off just yet. Okay, my reaction was the same until I found this really cool way to meditate that did not involve sitting cross-legged on the floor, which wasn't going to happen with my old bones anyway. I mean weird mantras in a dark room. It did help control the. You know I say voices in the head. I don't want you to think you know this is like Son of Sam time or something, but I know everyone I talk to when they finally admit to it.

Speaker 1: 11:42

Yeah, we all have those thoughts that go running through our mind, especially when things aren't going well, and most of the time we're aware of them when we're trying to go to sleep at night. You know you're tired, you're so tired you can't believe that you don't just fall right asleep, but you know you start thinking, well, what about this bill that's coming up? How are we gonna pay? That is this co-worker who drives your nuts at work, or you know, whoever it it might be, or whatever it might be. Those thoughts just compounding through and the more you try to get them out Of your mind, the harder it is. And those, those are the thoughts that can really Arm you, because you start to believe they're true and and so you have to just, you have to just be aware that they're really, they're really not. There is a way to control all of that. Here's a short version of Of how I kind of found this way, that really helped out a lot.

Speaker 1: 12:29

Several years ago I was in New York at a conference For business and the keynote speaker was a gentleman named Dan Harris. Now, you might have heard of him at the time. He was co-anchor on the weekend edition of Good Morning America as well as a reporter for ABC News, and and what he was going to talk about during his keynote speech was about meditation. This was on our agenda. So I knew this, you know, before the day arrived, and you know I was not there for anything. Our conference had nothing to do with meditation or relaxation or any new age Kind of thing like that at all. So as this was our first meeting, it was going to be early in the morning, about 9 o'clock in the morning. The opening night party the night before had gone quite late, so I seriously considered blowing off the keynote speech, catching a few extra Z's in the morning, because that first day was gonna end about 12 o'clock that night. Wasn't really going to consider it, but I happened to enjoy watching Good Morning America on the weekend.

Speaker 1: 13:31

I, you know, I recognize the name, dan Harris. I said, oh, I like that guy, he's, he's, he's entertaining. And I gotta tell you, not skipping that talk was the best decision of that trip and one of the best decisions of my life. So so we're there in the morning, we settle in. You know there's probably 800 people in this room and again everyone's trying to recover from the night before and Excited about the entire conference which is going to be happening. And we're in. You know, we're in New York, we're in Midtown, we're in the heart of the Broadway district, so there's just a lot of excitement in the air.

Speaker 1: 14:01

And then Harris gets up and he starts telling us about a certain period of his life that had come several years before, early part of the 21st century, post a little bit post 9-11. I believe it was, and how. One day, while he was doing the news on a segment of Good Morning America, he had a panic attack on the air, right there in front of millions of viewers. He had to find a way to end the piece early. And because of that and it just took him by surprise, because he had never experienced anything like this before this started for him a journey of, you know, doctor visits and reading self-help books and Finding a therapist and having therapy sessions several times a week, trying to find everything he could to get control of his life again.

Speaker 1: 14:47

One of the things that ended up being discussed with him Was something he hadn't ever considered, wasn't interested in that much was meditation. And I'm gonna be honest with you at this stage of his talk even though he was funny, he's got a very self-deprecating kind of wit. I'm about to get up and head for the coffee bar when he asked a simple question that kept me in my seat Would you try what I'm talking about If I told you it would make you 100% happier, guaranteed 100% happier. And then he continued that well, probably not, because Humans are just naturally skeptic and we're not ever going to believe a promise of a hundred percent happier, right. So he said, what if I told you that you would be 10% happier? Would you try it then? And that that was the hook to got me only 10%, that's all. I'll be 10% happier. You know what I like to be 10% richer where I like to be 10% healthier. You know if I could? So yes. So there I was, and he explained how what he was talking about was meditation and that we could, all he could show us Exactly what he found.

Speaker 1: 15:50

Right there that morning, in a crowded event space sitting in our chairs, and that would only take one minute. So we did it and I can't speak for the other 799 people in the room, but by God, I'll tell you I did feel a little bit better. No idea if it would stick, or, you know, was it just the moment? Was it just because I was so tired already? And let me, let me just pause at this Portion of the talk to just say I don't know Dan Harris. I have no personal or business relationship with him or his company. I get no Financial compensation for telling you this story or recommending his books or his apps or anything like that. But it's like you know, when you you find a good restaurant, you go tell your friends, right? So, friends, I'm telling you what he talked about that day is true and don't get me wrong, it's not a just at water kind of cure.

Speaker 1: 16:40

You do have to work at it. You know it takes repetition and working at it will make it work better for you. But but you're going to have you're not going to happily devote, you know, hours to it. You can start with just a few minutes a day and, yeah, if you can do more time is just a few minutes a day, you'll certainly, you know, yield more results. But if you only have, say, three minutes, well, that'll work too.

Speaker 1: 17:04

So here's, I'm gonna give you this very short version of this. So, when you can find a quiet spot with a as few distractions as possible, leave your cell phone in another room I know I'm asking a lot with that one. Get in a comfortable position, comfy chair, you know, if you're into yoga or you can do it. You'd like to sit on the floor? If that's your thing, then do that, but whenever it's comfortable for you although I do suggest avoiding lying down, because the goal here isn't to go to sleep, but learning to understand and better control your thoughts and and and In your mental health. You know it's to get you to relax.

Speaker 1: 17:43

So here's what you just need to do right now, or, you know, after you listen to this and you, when you think about it, take a deep breath and breathe it out slow. So take your breath in for six seconds, hold it for six and breathe it out slowly through your mouth. Six seconds out, so six seconds in through the nose, hold for six, breathe out through the mouth for six seconds and try to clear your mind and Ultimately you will be able to. But if you can't Look to begin to understand the dialogue in your mind while you're trying, and these thoughts that come, don't fight them. Accept them as you continue breathing in, holding and breathing out.

Speaker 1: 18:30

Why are you having this thought? Or why that one? Look, there's another one. There's me thinking about these thoughts that I'm having. This isn't working. I'm thinking way too much, you're not? It actually, this is what's supposed to be happening, because what you're going to try to you're going to do is You're going to learn to start recognizing these thoughts and accepting them and almost as like a friend, and then telling them to get to go away.

Speaker 1: 18:52

I'd leave you alone, just like you do some friends, and I'm not going to try and do a meditation with you, but what we just did right now is as close as we're going to come to that, and there are plenty of apps and podcasts out there that can help you do that, and I would suggest actually starting with Dan Harris's podcast. It's called 10% happier and he has two books. One is called 10% happier and then his second book is called meditation for fidgety skeptics. They're both funny, they're both enlightening, semi-autobiographical, they have enough instruction there to help you get started or to help you even tell this is something that you want to do. But you'll enjoy reading them. I've got to be honest the 10% happier book I have probably read six or seven times, and Meditation for fidgety skeptics probably three. But you'll pick them up again because there's always something new. But also, they're just, they're entertaining and you kind of feel, you know, kind of feel like you're a part of this story and no matter where you are in the path to getting older, I can practically guarantee you these are great reads and they do Provide you some helpful tools.

Speaker 1: 19:51

So on our Facebook page, bill Monty's guide to getting older the Facebook page I will put a link to the video of Dan Harris telling his own story tells that much better than I do. He talks about having that panic attack and and exactly everything that happened actually shows you the panic attack happening. So how cool is that? So you can go there and and see that. And if I can find a link for the the book, I'll certainly put that up there. But again, you could order on wherever you order books from, you know, barnes and Noble or Amazon or wherever it might be they get. The book is called 10% happier and Sequo's meditation for fidgety skeptics and we will be right back.

Speaker 1: 20:26

Let's discuss some music. Shall, we Friends. We'd love to get your feedback on the show. Please drop us a line and bill Monty's zero for a gmailcom and let us know what you think. Plus, we're on Facebook now, so the next time you're on it, look up bill Monty's guide to getting older. That's where I share insights about the show, links to my music recommendations and video suggestions, favorite books and so much more. Let me know what you think. I look forward to hearing from you. You, okay, welcome back. My friends. I hope you had a chance to explore my music suggestion from last episode and if you did, or even if you didn't, this week's suggestion is another great one in my humble opinion, although it's a completely different genre, different type of music.

Speaker 1: 21:25

One of the things about me I like all kinds of music. I'll put a haul to that. I'm not a big rap guy that's probably a generational thing, right, probably, I don't know and not a big opera guy either, but everything else I'm pretty much open to, and I have always liked jazz music. I do struggle to find artists that I like, everything that they do that I can listen to all the time who are different. I do like the more popular sound of jazz, chuck Manjione's own style of popular jazz. And really there was a wonderful teacher in my life in high school. She was our choral teacher and he was Mar-Vell Williams, the wonderful lady, one of those people that just shaped your life, you know, and even though all we did was sing in the class, I still remember the day that she brought in a Chuck Manjione album and put it on and it was an amazing moment for me and that really was kind of introduction of jazz for me. Also, you know there were elements of jazz, like in the big band sounds and stuff that my parents used to play, and probably even you know my dad's, the Spike Jones records. You know that might be where it started, but certainly a huge fan of, like Ella Fitzgerald, I loved Tony Bennett but especially the work that he was doing with jazz, like in the 80s and 90s, dave Brubeck, fitzgeraldi, with, you know, the Charlie Brown music.

Speaker 1: 22:53

During the past few years I'm going to tell you I flipped over some great tunes and songs from a group called the Hot Sardines and if you know of them, you know already what I'm talking about and if you don't, I think you're going to love them, even if you're not a big jazz fan. Because they're bad, bad they're, I can't talk. I'm so happy, I can't talk. They're that different. They present a hip new take on jazz classics and even like standard show tunes they do a great version of I want to be like you from the animated film, the Jungle Book, the Disney movie. They're just quite unique.

Speaker 1: 23:28

And the only band I've ever seen or heard and I did see them in concert they were amazing that employee tap dancing as an instrument in the songs and when you listen to them you can hear, you know on songs that they use that and at the concerts that really is a huge part of it. I mean, this guy, he's just been sitting in this chair for two or three songs and kind of tapping his feet a little bit and then suddenly he just gets up and does these amazing tap moves and it's all to bring out that it's another part, another instrument to be used in the way that they tell their story through their music. I listen to them and they just they make me happy and I think you'll feel the same. And again I'll put a link to a song or two they do a version of. They do a song called when I Get Low, I Get High and they do it with the actor Alan Cumming, who many of you might know from Cap-A-Ray on Broadway. He was on the show the Good Wife. I think he was in one of the X-Men movies early on and stuff, but you know he's another person that I just. I love what he does, I love how he entertains and that might be the link I put up because I like this song.

Speaker 1: 24:29

I'll pick a song or two and put it up on the Facebook page Again. Go to Bill Monty's Guide to Getting Older Facebook page to get the music links that we talk about and some scenes for behind the show scenes. Hopefully you'll explore their music on their own. Put them up in whatever streaming platform you use for music and kick back and just enjoy. And I think that will wrap up another episode of Bill Monty's Guide to Getting Older. I thank you so much for joining us again and I ask you to please continue to be a part of the show. Tell your friends, tell your family, please help us grow and remember, be kind whatever possible, because it's always possible. All right, be safe my friends. Peace, bye, bye.